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This is Alan Lakein’s question. Lakein is the author of the famous book, How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life, and he’s the original expert on time management. This question is a good one for almost any situation. It can clarify your mind in moments and get you back on track. Lakein recommends asking it several times a day.

First you need to know what your goals are. Then you can ask the question to your heart’s content.

The way you use your time is and always will be an extremely important question. All you have is time, and what you have is limited. I know, I know, you’ve heard it all before, but you can’t hear it enough because it is human nature to take it all for granted, act as if we’ve got all the time in the world, fritter away the hours and minutes on stuff that isn’t important at all, and then be shocked and horrified when we suddenly realize ten years have gone by and we haven’t accomplished nearly what we wanted to.

As the Pink Floyd song says: “The sun is the same in a relative way, but you’re older. Shorter of breath, one day closer to death.” Not the sort of thing we normally like to think about, but time is running out for all of us. Courageously facing that fact head-on can really improve your motivation to use your time better. Lakein’s question can help.

Ask the question constantly. Several times a day. And think about it. This is one question that deserves some time.

Tags: direct your mind by Adam Khan
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Here is a useful approach to the inevitable misfortunes that will come your way. It is a way to resolve your negative feelings and use the misfortune in a practical way.

When something unfortunate happens, you will naturally have it on your mind for some time. You’ll think about it. Often you will merely remember it and feel bad. If you caused it, you might feel guilty. If you didn’t cause it, you might ruminate on how you wish it hadn’t happened, or how upset you are at what the consequences will be.

As long as your mind is on it, you might as well take advantage of it and see if something useful can be gained by pondering it. The most direct way to do that is to ponder the question, “What could I do to prevent that from happening to me again?”

This is a way to direct your mind. You’re already thinking about it, but the way most people naturally think about misfortunes does not help. This question goes along with the impetus of your mind, but aims that impetus in a more productive direction.

After thinking about it you may conclude nothing you can do will prevent it from happening again, in which case, you can ponder what would be the best way to respond to it next time, or what you will do now to minimize the consequences.

Pondering these questions will satisfy your mind’s desire to think about it, will minimize how bad it makes you feel, and will help you learn something useful for the future.

Tags: direct your mind by Adam Khan
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I borrowed this unusual question from Viktor Frankl. He had learned in his experience in Hitler’s concentration camps that many of his fellow prisoners needed to change their attitude. He said,

“We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life — daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.”

This is an interesting perspective, isn’t it? Very different from our normal way of thinking. I think you will find it an interesting and productive question to ask yourself, “What task has life set for me?”

For example, Tom has seen his boss doing something unscrupulous, but he really wants his promotion, and he’s the breadwinner of a growing family. He feels torn. It would give him a helpful perspective to ask, “What task is life setting for me here?”

Men in the concentration camp with Frankl sometimes tried to kill themselves. Because Frankl was a psychiatrist, life asked him to do something about it. He was called upon by his fellow prisoners to talk to the despairing men and find a way to renew their will to live.

Frankl learned the importance of finding meaning in life firsthand in trying to fulfill this task life put in front of him. When a person had some meaning, some reason to live, they were much less likely to kill themselves.

Frankl found that one man had a niece. The man was her only surviving family member. She needed him. So he had a reason to stay alive. There was a meaning to his suffering — he must endure. He must survive so he could look after that girl.

Another man had written several volumes of an important book series and it needed to be completed. And he was the only person who could complete it. That was enough to keep him from committing suicide or just giving up and dying.

Frankl helped these men find something important life was asking them to do, and that was enough of a reason to live.
Viktor Frankl was a Jewish psychiatrist in Germany when Hitler took power and Frankl spent many years struggling to stay alive in concentration camps. During that time, he lost his wife, his brother, and both his parents — they either died in the camps or were sent to the gas ovens. He lost every possession he ever owned. Because he already knew a lot about psychology before he experienced these extreme circumstances, his observations have an extraordinary depth that makes his slim book, Man’s Search for Meaning, very much worth reading. His perspective on finding meaning in life is different from any other I have encountered. He wrote, for example:

“The meaning of life differs from person to person, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment. To put the question in general terms would be comparable to the question posed to a chess champion, “Tell me, Master, what is the best move in the world?” There simply is no such thing as the best or even a good move apart from a particular situation in a game and the particular personality of one’s opponent. The same holds true for human existence. One should not search for an abstract meaning of life. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment.”

I love that line: “…to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment.” For example, Frankl tried to keep his fellow prisoners from committing suicide. The Nazis had made it strictly forbidden to stop a fellow prisoner from killing himself. If you cut down a prisoner in the process of hanging himself, you (and probably everyone in your bunkhouse) would be severely punished. So Frankl had to catch people before they actually attempted suicide. This, he felt, was a concrete assignment which demanded fulfillment. He was a psychiatrist. He was the most qualified prisoner in his camp to fulfill this assignment.

The men would often confide in Frankl, since he was a psychiatrist. The two men I mentioned above had told Frankl they had decided to commit suicide. Both of them had basically the same reason: They had nothing more to expect from life. All they could expect was endless suffering, starvation, torture, and in the end, probably the gas chamber.

“In both cases,” wrote Frankl, “it was a question of getting them to realize that life was still expecting something from them…” After talking with the men, Frankl discovered one of them was a scientist who had written several volumes of a book, but the project was incomplete and could not be finished by anyone else. The other man had a niece in another country waiting for him, and he was her last living relative.

These are examples of answers to the question, “What does life expect from me?” The first man needed to finish his work. The other needed to find his niece and take care of her. Frankl had done nothing more than help them see they had a concrete assignment they hadn’t yet fulfilled.

Even for people in less desperate situations than a concentration camp, a sense of purposelessness can produce fatigue, depression, alcoholism, and suicide. A lack of purpose creates all kinds of mental and emotional ill-health. And even the ill-health it doesn’t create it can often cure. It doesn’t matter what other factors are doing well — money, family, kids, work, health — without a sense of purpose, those things won’t make you happy, and psychological problems will tend to plague you.

And you can’t “make something up” just to have a purpose. Any random goal is not good enough. It’s got to be real for you. It has to have meaning for you. What concrete assignment do you really feel is demanding fulfillment?

Each person’s life is unique. The concrete assignment a person needs to fulfill is different for every person, and different at different times under different circumstances. Frankl discovered that a prisoner would not commit suicide once he realized his unique obligation to life.

Frankl’s observations have been borne out by recent research. Investigators at New York State Psychiatric Institute studied eighty-four people suffering major depression trying to determine why thirty-nine of them had never attempted to kill themselves. Instead of asking what makes depressed people want to die, they asked what makes them want to live.

The study revealed that age, sex, religious persuasion or education level did not predict who would attempt suicide. But strong reasons to live did predict it rather well. The depressed patients who responded to the questionnaire with more reasons for living showed less hopelessness and were less likely to try to kill themselves.

Other studies have shown that students who feel they have some purpose in life are far less likely to get involved with drugs.

Purpose in life. Meaning in life. These are not superfluous issues reserved for philosophy classes. Frankl’s question brings us to the heart of a vital matter. The question makes us look at our situation from an unusual point of view. And I think it’s worthwhile to take that view.

Thinking about “what you want out of life” is a common thing to do; it is looking at your situation in a common way. But what about asking what life wants out of you? Not that you should ignore what you want out of life. I don’t think these two points of view are entirely opposing, and in fact, I would add to Frankl’s view that the ideal purpose fulfills both. For both of the prisoners who had decided to commit suicide, Frankl’s point of view helped them find their purpose, but for both of them, the purpose was not merely a duty. It was also something they wanted very strongly and had simply forgotten about or given up on. For each man, their purpose was something they desired and also something they felt was a concrete assignment that demanded fulfillment.

Frankl’s question is worth asking — especially if your aim doesn’t seem very clear to you. By looking at your life from another angle, you can sometimes see what you’ve disregarded or overlooked. What needs to be done and what you strongly want to do is often staring you in the face without you seeing it.

For Michael W. Fox, his concrete assignment was unmistakable. Fox is now a veterinarian and author of several books. When he was nine years old, he was walking home from school when he looked through a fence and saw a ghastly sight: A large trash bin overflowing with dead dogs and cats. He was looking into the backyard of a veterinary clinic. “I never knew the reason for this mass extermination,” Fox said, “but I was, from that time on, committed to doing all I could to help animals, deciding at age nine that I had to be a veterinarian.”

Here was a concrete assignment life had presented to Fox. He saw something that needed to be done, and he strongly wanted to do something about it. He became a veterinarian and has been reducing the suffering of animals ever since. He has worked to educate people and pass legislation that reflects more respect for all animals.

A clear aim can convert a feeling of horror into a resolve to do something about it. A clear aim can transform a feeling of despair into grim determination. If there is anything in your life you feel you’ve given up on, or if you feel despair or hopelessness about something, this is your wake up call. A clear aim can change a self-defeating, counterproductive emotion into a constructive feeling that leads to constructive action. For example, during the Korean War, the Chinese government tried to brainwash captured U.S. soldiers. The Chinese used every technique they could think of to make the POWs give up their belief in personal freedom and take up a belief in the greatness of communism.

The captives were tortured, starved, and psychologically assaulted — unless they converted. In one of the prison camps, three-fourths of the POWs had died, and things looked pretty bleak to those still alive. They were feeling demoralized and hopeless. Not only did their chances for survival look slim, but they would have to endure terrible suffering until the end. The POWs were beginning to give up on life.

Then one man said, “We’ve got to stay alive, we’ve got to let others know about the horrors of Communism. We’ve got to live to bring back the armies and fight these evil people. Communism must not win!”

This was a turning point for every American in that prison because their meaningless suffering was transformed into a mission. Their despair was turned into resolve. Their feeling of hopelessness was transformed into firm determination. And from that point, prisoners stopped dying. They made it back to the U.S. They lived to tell the world what happened.

A definite, worthwhile, heartfelt purpose can transform a horrible experience into a sacred calling, crusade, a holy aspiration, a true mission. I’ve read about and had personal experience with the same transformation many times.

Viktor Frankl wrote, “Any attempt to restore a man’s inner strength in the camp had first to succeed in showing him some future goal…Woe to him who saw no more sense in his life, no aim, no purpose, and therefore no point in carrying on. He was soon lost.”

The psychologist, Abraham Maslow, studied exceptional people to find out what unusually healthy people were like. Until Maslow came along, psychologists mostly studied mentally ill people to find out why they were ill and how they became that way. Maslow felt we could also learn something from the study of fulfilled, happy, successful people. That became his life’s work. And one of the things he found out about these “self-actualized” people was that “every one of them, without exception, were devoted to a cause outside their own skin.”

They were devoted to a cause. They had a clear aim. And for these exceptional people, it was a clear aim beyond satisfying their personal needs. They were working on a concrete assignment that demanded fulfillment.

If you want to join the ranks of the self-actualized, get yourself a purpose that fires you up. Find something that you think is needed, that you feel is important, that you want very strongly to see accomplished. If you don’t have one, I have one for you. I’ve thought long and hard about what is needed in this world, and here it is: We must win the war against pessimism, cynicism, and defeatism, and you can help. You can take up this banner and put your powers to the test. (See Crush Pessimism.)

Maybe you already have a clear aim. Or maybe your clear aim is not so global in scope. If not, don’t sweat it. But don’t try to accomplish a clear aim if your heart isn’t in it. Pick something important to you. Choose something that fits your situation. Remember the man who had a niece to take care of.

But don’t choose a goal beneath you, either. Defeatism reveals itself in the setting of low goals — goals too small or petty — goals below your capabilities. Setting a low or petty goal is a kind of preemptive defeat. You’ve given up on bigger goals before you’ve even tried. For someone with no purpose at all or in a very restricted situation (like a concentration camp), a small goal is all you may be able to muster. But as your level of psychological fitness increases (and/or as your material conditions improve enough), there comes a time when a full-on crusade is called for as a context for your life.

There isn’t one right purpose which you must find and follow. Delete that kind of magical thinking from your thoughts forever! Any constructive purpose is better than no purpose and some are better than others. Some are good for now, but no good if pursued too long. The important thing is that you like your purpose and feel it is important.

One of your disadvantages (if you can call it that) is that you have too many concrete assignments demanding fulfillment. You know what’s going on all over the world, so one hard part about finding a good purpose is limiting your aim. But if you want to be happy and if you want to succeed, you will do best to focus your efforts on very few purposes, or just one.

The more goals you have, the more scattered your forces, just like the more friends you have, the more superficial they must be, simply because there are only twenty-four hours in a day. The more aims you pack into your life, the more confused and overwhelmed and stressed-out you will become. It will drive you down into pessimism, cynicism, and defeatism.

We don’t know if life really does expect anything from us. But asking that question calls forth deep personal answers of meaning and purpose. Try pondering the question for a few days and you’ll see what I mean.

Tags: direct your mind by Adam Khan
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In the movie, Terminator 2 - Judgment Day, John (the kid) finds out the bad terminator is probably going to kill his mom. John wants to find her and warn her. The good terminator says, “Negative. It is not a mission priority.”

The kid starts yelling. The good terminator (Arnold) says, “This does not help our mission.”

Throughout the movie, Arnold plays a machine that has only one goal and never lets go of it, never gets distracted from it, never comes up with a new goal, and never gets discouraged by setbacks. During the whole movie, he evaluates every possible action with only that criteria: Does it help my goal or doesn’t it? If it doesn’t, he has no time for it. He doesn’t waste any time fuming about someone else’s behavior. He doesn’t waste any time thinking about what he “should have” done. He just stays on his purpose.

Of course, the Terminator is a machine. But imagine how much you could accomplish with that kind of clear focus. This question, asked all the time, every day, would help you do that (without becoming a cold machine yourself, because you have several goals, including maintaining good relationships).

One of the values of “motivational material” like success books and seminars is simply that they get you thinking about your goals. The simple act of thinking about your goal is motivating.

That means if this question was on your mind a lot, you’d feel motivated more often.

In a course my wife, Klassy Evans, used to teach, she demonstrated the motivational power of keeping your eye on the goal with a little help from the audience. She asked for two volunteers to come up to the front of the room and let her make them feel bad. Let’s go into the courseroom now and listen to Klassy do the demonstration. The following was transcribed from one of the courses:

“I need two people. The only requirement is that you’re wearing comfortable shoes. You? Good. Thank you. Come on up. And you? Excellent. Now [speaking to the two volunteers] I’d like you to look at the audience and find someone who would be a good match for you in a tug of war — and who is also wearing comfortable shoes.

“Okay [to the audience] these two people [referring to the first two volunteers] are going to represent you in your life. You’re going to see what your life looks like. You two volunteers stand here and here and face that wall across the room [the wall to the right of the stage from the audiences’ perspective; the volunteers are to the left of center-stage].

“That wall will represent a goal of yours,” says Klassy. “You’re going to try to reach it while the person behind you tries to stop you. They are the barriers to your goal.

“Not just yet, but in a little while I’m going to ask you two barriers to come up behind them and put your arms around their waist, and be a drag on them while they try to reach their goal.

[She turns to the audience]: “We all have things that hold us back. If we didn’t, we’d just go get what we wanted. So if you don’t have what you want, it’s because something is acting as a barrier to hold you back.

[Speaking to the two people (the barriers) that the first two volunteers have chosen]: “You two barriers, we’re going to do the demonstration twice and I want you to stay consistent. Hold them back equally the first and second time because I want the difference to be a result in them, not because of something you are doing differently, okay? [They nod].

[Speaking to the goal-seekers — the first two volunteers]: “With your permission, I’m now going to bring you down. Then when I say, ‘Go for what you want,’ I want you to start moving toward your goal, represented by this wall [the wall to the right of center stage].

“But first, I’d like you to think of some bad news you’ve heard lately…[Klassy gives them time to think of some. When it looks like they’ve both found something, she continues]:

“Think of a mistake you’ve made…

“Now think of something good in your life…

“and realize it’s not going to last…

“Think of something bad in your life…

“and realize it’s probably permanent…

“and you’re going to have to deal with it for the rest of your life…

“Think about a weakness you have, a fault you have, something that holds you back…

“Think of something that stands in your way and prevents you from getting what you want…

“and realize it is more than you can handle…

“Add up all the barriers you can think of that stand in your way…

“and all your personal weaknesses…

“and come to grips with the fact that your goal is completely hopeless…

“You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache if you just give up now…

“Now I’d like the barriers to come up behind you and put their arms around your waist and interlace their fingers. And I’d like you to look down at their hands and keep looking at their hands, feeling the strength in their arms. Keep your attention on the barriers, and think about all the things that the arms represent: the barriers, your weaknesses, the hopelessness of the task. In your thoughts, I want you to hear what you tell yourself about all your failures and shortcomings and everything that’s wrong with you. When you feel down, what do you say to yourself about yourself?

“Remember vividly all the times you have failed…”

“Keep looking down at the hands and be aware of the strength of the barrier holding you back. With all your attention on the power of the barrier, I want you now to come and get your goal.

[At first there is no movement. Then they slowly inch forward, eyes down, looking serious, even sad. She lets them struggle that way for a couple of minutes while the audience looks on. They don’t even get halfway to the goal.]

“Okay that’s enough. Thank you. Now I’d like you to go back to where you were again. We’re going to turn it around. Think of something good in your life…

“it’s probably going to last…

“Think of something bad in your life…

“and realize it’s temporary, you’ll get through it…

“Think of some success you’ve had…a time when you did something and you won or it came out right and you felt really pleased with yourself, proud of yourself…

“When you think about a new challenge, you can remember, ‘Well, if I could do that, I can do this.’

“Think of all the strengths you have, talents that many other people don’t have…

“There are quite a few once you start thinking about it…

“I’ve got a little gold star in my hand [it’s a ceramic star glazed in a glossy golden color, about four inches tall]. I want you to focus your attention on it. Ignore the hands around your waist, and keep your eyes on this star. Let the star represent what you could have. This star is your goal.

“Imagine the future, when you have achieved this goal…

“would you dress any different?

“Would you go places you now don’t go?

“When you achieve this goal, what great things will you be saying to yourself?

“Think about the good things other people will say when you have this goal…

“What will it feel like to know you have attained this goal?

“What will it feel like to know you have what it took to achieve it?

“Barriers, please put your arms around them again.

“Now, you two: Keep your eyes on the goal. Do not take your eyes off this goal. Remember a time when you did very well at something…

“and I want you to know if you did very well once, you can do very well again…

“I want you to know a lot of people are behind you and want to help you…

“You will reach your goal!

“You have the strength. You have the talent. You have the determination.

“Keep your thoughts on this goal now. Stay aware of your feelings about this goal, and how you’ll feel when you reach it. Now come get it! [Without hesitation, they both suddenly pull forward, smiling and laughing. The barriers are no match. The barriers unsuccessfully try to hold them back, but their effort is futile. In about three seconds, everyone is at the goal. One of the people reaches up and touches the gold star with a big smile on his face. Everyone laughs.]

“Thank you. I’d like to ask the barriers a question: Did you notice anything different between the first time and the second time? [They both nod yes.] Okay, what was the difference? [One of them says, “He had more energy the second time.” Klassy goes to the chalkboard and writes “energy”.]

“Anything else you noticed? [One of them says, “She did it easier.”] Klassy writes “easier” underneath “energy” on the board.]

“Anything else? [One says, “They were faster the second time.” Klassy adds “faster” to the list.] I don’t know if you in the audience could see their faces, but there were more smiles the second time. We’ll assume smiles have to do with fun. [She adds “fun” to the list.] Okay, thanks to both of you. You two barriers can sit down.

[Klassy turns to the audience.] Now I’d like to ask you: What did you notice was different between the first time and the second time? [Somebody calls out, “More confidence the second time.” Klassy adds “confidence” to the list. People say more things, and she adds them to the list: determination, strength, focus.]

[She turns to the two main participants in the demonstration — the goal seekers]: “Now I’d like to ask you, ‘What was the difference for you?’ [One of them says, “It reminded me of learning how to drive. When I first started, I focused my eyes on the front edge of the car, and I wasn’t very effective. My Dad said over and over to look out ahead, and when I did, my driving got a lot better and I could relax.” The other one says, “I felt stronger and more determined.”]

“Thank you. That’s a good one. Anything else you want to add? Okay, thank you for helping. You can sit down now.”

What Klassy’s demonstration shows very clearly, among other things, is that you are stronger, more determined, more powerful, and better able to get what you want when you stop focusing your attention on your obstacles and put your attention on your goal. That’s the purpose of the question: Does this help my goal?

If you want to be a photographer and get your business going, for example, it would help to continually ask this question. So when you have a little extra money and you’re about it spend it on a weekend trip but it would really help your business to get a new lens, ask the question: Does this trip really help my goal? Does getting a lens really help my goal?

When someone tries to talk you into a job selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door, dangling riches before your eyes, this question will clarify the issue tremendously.

If there is one secret to success, this is it: Focus. You can’t do it all. There just isn’t enough time. You have to constantly choose one thing over another. How will you choose? By your feelings at the moment? By what you think others want? Or by how much it will help the most important goal you have?

“Obstacles,” said Henry Ford, “are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.”

So ask yourself this question all the time, about everything. It will keep you focused on your goal, and this focus will give you power, speed, determination, strength, and fun.

Tags: direct your mind by Adam Khan
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